


Past is Prologue

by Gabby (Kirahsoka)



Series: Where I've Always Been [7]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Delusions, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, F/M, Family Feels, Family Issues, Mental Health Issues, Mistakes, Not As Terrible as As It Sounds, Psychological Trauma, Regret, Star Wars in a Fantasy AU World, barrissoka, implied suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-05 01:59:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16358492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirahsoka/pseuds/Gabby
Summary: While visiting Luminara's old compound, Ahsoka discovers a hidden relic from Barriss' past. Bringing it back to rebel headquarters leads to catastrophic results. Will the family she worked so hard to build fall apart around her?This work is part of the "Where I've Always Been" series, which covers events and characters from Star Wars in a fantasy AU setting. Reading the other parts isn't required to understand this story. Though, doing so will likely enhance your experience.*Given this is set near the end of the rebellion, it will contain a few spoilers for other works in the series.*





	1. Finding the Past

**Author's Note:**

> This is a short, self-enclosed story involving only Ahsoka, Barriss, Luminara, and Obi-Wan. It is small in scope, designed as a bit of a character and relationship study. It was too extensive for inclusion in an existing collection as a one-off, but it also isn't an epic tale. I like to think of it as a side-story event in the overall universe.
> 
> Reading other parts of the series isn't required, but if you are interested... The primary related work is "True Failure", including the epilogue in "Life Behind the Scenes". If you haven't read these, Chapter 2 of "Family Expansion" would be a quick way to gain some background on the basic dynamics and relationships.
> 
> Note: This story contains references to suicidal thoughts and emotional trauma. Though, it's not super intense. However, I wanted to put a warning in case anyone is sensitive to these topics. 
> 
> [Set during chapter 10 of "True Failure"]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luminara and Ahsoka are trapped by Palpatine. While trying to escape, they run into remnants of the past.

“Wait.” She threw out an arm to halt Luminara and listened carefully through the closed door.

Letting out a curse, Ahsoka dragged the surprised woman to the concealed viewing slits in the wall. “Stay down.” Then, she peered outside. _Wonderful._ There were multiple squads of soldiers converging on Luminara’s compound. _Guess it was under surveillance after all._

“What is it?” There was a hint of uncharacteristic anxiety in Luminara's voice.

“Palpatine’s soldiers. You were right. We stayed too long.”

“How many?” This time the tone contained it's usual calm practicality.

“Nearly a full company. My montrals tell me there are more on the way,” Ahsoka replied as she assessed options. “I can handle it.” _I hope._

On her own, that was true. Ahsoka would have simply flipped in quick succession over the main pocket and then slashed a path through the edges to sprint away, before they knew what was happening. However, Luminara—while extremely capable—wasn’t able to replicate those kind of maneuvers. That would mean a slower egress and time for ranged weapons to be in play. Still, delaying to come up with other strategies would only result in more enemies arriving. “We need to go now.”

A firm hand gripped her shoulder. “No.”

Ahsoka twisted to look at Luminara. “What?”

“There are other options that are less risky.” The expression turned pleading. “Please, Ahsoka, let’s do this my way. You’re only here because of me. I don’t want to be responsible for anything happening to you. I can’t.” There was something approaching panic rising in the lone cerulean eye.

Taking a deep breath, Ahsoka grabbed the trembling hand from her shoulder. “Ok, what did you have in mind?”

Luminara sagged in relief. “There’s a hidden passageway out the back of the compound. Hopefully, it’s not blocked after years of disuse. Either way, they would be unlikely to find or track us.”

Ahsoka considered. She definitely didn’t like the idea of being potentially trapped, waiting to be discovered. Still, it was probably the least risky choice to get Luminara out safely. “In that case, lead on, Master Unduli.” She flashed an engaging grin.

Rising, the woman adjusted the newly recovered, velvet red cape around her body and raised an impish eyebrow. “This way, Master Jedi.”

_______

As they re-entered the living quarters, Luminara sealed the door behind them and headed into a room at the end of the narrow corridor. The woman crossed to the corner and shifted a small dresser. Removing a false panel in the stonework, she began manipulating a complicated locking mechanism.

Ahsoka glanced around impatiently and then stiffened. Sparse possessions were arranged in an orderly yet familiar fashion around a perfectly made, minimalist bed. “Was this… Barriss’ room?”

Luminara paused her efforts, but didn’t look up. “Yes.”

“You didn’t repurpose the room when she left?” Ahsoka asked in mild surprise.

There was silence and then a quiet voice said, “No. I never could bring myself to do it. I suppose I was hoping she’d come back. In any case, it’s exactly as she left it.” The fingers resumed their intent work on the lock.

 _Incredible._ Luminara’s anti-attachments philosophy may have deluded her into thinking otherwise, but the woman had clearly always loved Barriss. The fact that the escape route was in her apprentice’s room said it all. The level of mental gymnastics required to justify that decision on Luminara’s part must have been extensive. _I wonder what kind of weird logic she used to leave this room in place?_

Ahsoka drifted over to the small table near the bed and smiled to herself. Parchment paper and a quill sat beside a dusty glass that likely once held water. There was an already packed satchel on the floor beneath it. _Just like at home._

“Ready,” Luminara called as the wall swung open and she replaced the false panel.

Walking back over, Ahsoka peered inside the darkened space. “Looks dreary.”

Luminara sent her one good eye skyward. “It’s an emergency exit, not a vacation destination.”

She laughed. “Point taken. Oh, wait.” Sprinting back to the bed, she grabbed the pack. “Looks like Barriss has prepared a nice bag of supplies for us, just in case.”

There was a dry chuckle. “That’s my girl.”

Moving into the opening, Luminara retrieved a small torch and lit it. Ahsoka followed and the woman latched the wall behind them. “Let’s see if I can remember how to get out of here, shall we?”

“You better,” she replied with an emphatic hand. “There is no way I’m spending the rest of my life here. I’ll go over the edge.”

The dim lighting from the torch threw shadows around Luminara’s face, but Ahsoka could make out a suspiciously snarky-looking grin. “Not to worry, Master Jedi. I’m sure we’ll die from dehydration long before you are overcome by a deep, depressive episode.”

“Was that supposed to make me feel better?” Ahsoka asked dryly. “If so, you need to work on it.”

There was a snort. “Advice noted.”

_______

“Ow!” Ahsoka grabbed her left leg.

Luminara turned back, shining light over the area and revealing a crate barely sticking into the passageway. “That’s strange. Wonder where that came from?”

Still massaging her bruised skin, Ahsoka grimaced. “Glad I could find it for you.”

The woman knelt to examine the contents. “Ah. Well, you can thank your wife for the pain you are currently enduring.” She held up a puce-colored garment. “Apparently, Barriss decided to store her multitude of cloaks in here. Odd.”

Immediately forgetting her throbbing leg, Ahsoka crouched down with interest. “Wow, that’s a lot.” She dug through them, noting the various styles and colors. “Gods, Barriss. I thought you had an obsession now. This is ridiculous.”

Luminara snorted. “You have no idea, Ahsoka. The girl came home with a new one every other mission. I threatened to cut off her allowance if she kept it up.” The bemusement abruptly morphed into sadness. “Perhaps, it was a way to feel like… herself.”

Sorrowful regret danced along the shadowed face, but Ahsoka couldn’t think of anything encouraging to say. _She’s probably right._ Trying to redirect Luminara’s thoughts, she continued her exploration of the crate. Hitting something hard at the bottom, she pulled out stacks of fabric to get to it. “What’s this?”

The torch moved closer and a nondescript, metal box appeared. It looked large enough to fit the contents of a saddlebag, but was more compact. Ahsoka placed it on the hardened dirt of the passageway, noting the sophisticated-looking lock. “Um, ok.”

The light began to flicker.

Ahsoka glanced up and saw the arm holding the torch was shaking. “What’s wrong?”

Luminara took a pained breath. “It’s only that… no one else would ever have access to her quarters. The fact that the cloaks are hidden already says something. Their position on the left side means, even if I did come in here, I’d be unlikely to run into them. Then, they were used to conceal a box, further secured with a suprazi lock. There’s only one reason for all of it. Barriss desperately didn’t want me to see this.”

Gazing at her for a moment, Ahsoka reached out a steadying hand to the woman’s arm. “That’s the past. This is now. I know how terrible it is to wish you’d done things differently. But, we can’t. All we can do is move forward and make the future better, right?”

There was a wan smile and maybe tears, but it was hard to tell in the darkness. “You’re right, my amazingly wise girl. I’ll try to remember.”

“Good,” Ahsoka replied brightly. “Now, how about we take this with us? Barriss can decide what she wants to do with it. It might not be important anymore. Or, we might be bringing her something she thought was lost.”

Luminara’s smile softened. “You are so very special, Ahsoka.”

Feeling a bit awkward, she shook her head. “You really need to meet more people.” Then, Ahsoka picked up the box and rose to her feet.

A hand suddenly gripped her chin and Luminara’s face seemed to blaze with its own light. “Get used to hearing it, my dear. Because, I will _never_ try to stop convincing you of the truth.”

A sense of warmth blossomed and a shy grin crept onto Ahsoka’s face. “Hmm, I’ll see what I can do.”

Fingers brushed across her cheek. “You better, special girl.”

_______

As they rode back into rebel headquarters, Ahsoka grinned. Barriss and Obi-Wan were standing at the main entrance with duplicate expressions of worried annoyance. Clearly, the perimeter guard had sent word of their arrival. Glancing over at Luminara, she remarked, “Uh oh. I think we're in trouble.”

Luminara snorted as she dismounted. “What? They’re the only ones who get to run off for days at a time? I don’t think so.”

Ahsoka laughed and leapt from her horse as the others made their way over.

“Exactly where have you two been?” Barriss asked with an impassive stare.

Shrugging, Ahsoka answered airily, “We had a little mission to attend to.”

Luminara moved beside her and added, “Yes, how did yours go?”

Obi-Wan and Barriss glanced at each other and Ahsoka could practically see the internal eye rolling. The man remarked dryly, “Our _assigned_ mission went fine and we returned as _planned._ How did your unscheduled, unassigned, and unknown mission go?”

“Oh,” Ahsoka replied, “our mission was assigned, as well. It was a success, thanks for asking.”

Barriss’ eyes narrowed. “Who exactly assigned this supposed mission?”

“We did,” she answered simply with a sly grin at Luminara.

The edges of the woman’s mouth crept up. “Indeed. In the absence of the logistical commander, we had to make critical, in the moment decisions. These things sometimes happen during a rebellion.”

Obi-Wan snorted. “I give up.” Stepping forward, he wrapped arms around Luminara. “Welcome back, my dear.”

She smiled and ran fingers over his chin. “I missed you.”

He flashed a boyish grin and then tucked her arm into his. “Alright, kids, we’re headed to our room. See you at dinner.”

Luminara chuckled and then glanced at Ahsoka with sudden seriousness. “You’ll tell me if I’m… needed, right?”

Ahsoka nodded. “Don’t worry. Everything will be alright.” _I hope._ She really had no idea how Barriss was going to react to the unknown item they had brought.

The woman relaxed and then gave her a warm smile. “I know it will, my special girl.” Turning back to Obi-Wan, she continued, “Shall we go, my love? We have a lot of, uh, catching up to do.”

The man stared between her and Ahsoka for a moment and then said ruefully, “Oh, we definitely do.” They strolled away with matching grins.

Ahsoka looked back at Barriss. Concern, annoyance, and curiosity all seemed to be fighting for dominance in the delicate features. Striding forward, Ahsoka pulled the woman close and pressed passionate lips to hers. A smile formed as slender hands wrapped around her neck and the responding intensity came. When they finally broke apart, she whispered, “Gods, I missed you.”

Her wife smiled happily, but then produced a stern expression. “Don’t think that means you’ll get out of telling me what’s going on. You both just ran off. No one had any idea where you were or when you’d be back! I didn’t—”

Putting a hand over Barriss’ mouth, she said soothingly, “I’ll explain, my brilliant, amazing, beautiful wife. Honestly, we thought we’d be back before you both returned. It was supposed to be a quick trip we didn’t want to advertise. I’m sorry I worried you.”

There was a resigned exhale. “Are you going to tell me what this secret, supposedly short trip was?”

“Yes, but not here. Let me get my stuff and we’ll talk about it, ok?”

Barriss sighed. “Alright, I’ll help.”

“No. There is something I need to do first. I’ll meet you in our room in a few minutes.”

Eyes widened and Barriss opened a mouth to object, but apparently decided against it. Nodding, she turned and walked back into base.

 _She is still upset. Well, I’ll fix that in a bit._ Crossing to the other side of the horse, the woman unfastened straps from the discovered box. Covering it with her cloak and slinging the saddlebag over a shoulder, Ahsoka marched into base. _Please, let this be the right decision._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was an extension of a scene from the end of TF, where Luminara is on a mission to find the cape Ahsoka's mother gave her. I enjoyed writing the Ahsoka & Luminara dynamic there and wanted to explore it a bit more in this story. 
> 
> Another implied idea from TF and elsewhere is Obi-Wan and Barriss' special bond. So, I loved the idea of the duo waiting to deliver a stern reprimand. I know a parent supposedly doesn't have favorites, but I'm starting to get suspicious!


	2. Confronting the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barriss and her box don't mix well. Her family deals with the consequences.

“Now, are you going to tell me?” an amused voice said from her chest.

Ahsoka grinned. “Mmm, I don’t know. Do you think you can stop being so unbelievably mesmerizing? Otherwise, I have very little hope of success.”

Fingers drew slow circles over Ahsoka’s bare stomach. “Only if you promise to stop making me lose control by saying things like that.”

Laughing, she took the circling hand and brushed it over her lips. “Sorry, that’s never gonna happen.”

There was a shy grin. “Stop stalling. Let's hear it.”

Giving a small grimace, Ahsoka said, “Luminara decided she had to do something. I didn’t want her to go by herself. So, we both went.”

An eyebrow quirked. “And, that was?”

“Retrieve something from her old compound in Coruscant.” She held a baited breath, awaiting the response.

Barriss sat up, anger blazing across the normally placid face. “The compound?! It’s probably under surveillance, not to mention Coruscant is the most dangerous place for either of you. I don’t know which is worse, Luminara making such an irrational decision or you letting her do it. No, not just letting her—you actually went with her!”

 _Woah._ Ahsoka tried to tamp down the automatic defensive reaction. Disapproval she expected, but this level was extreme by Barriss standards. _Wait it out. Maybe, she’ll calm herself down?_

“I really can't believe this. What were you thinking?!” The olive skin tinged red as eyes bulged larger. “What in Force’s name was so important?”

Unfortunately, answering that question was only going to make things worse. _Stay calm._

“Answer me!” The piercing eyes fixed on her with rising fury.

 _Yeah, this strategy isn’t working._ Sitting up, she cupped her wife’s cheeks. “Barriss, calm down. We’re both back safely. Everything is fine.”

She yanked herself out of Ahsoka's grip. “I don’t care that you got lucky. You both could have been killed. I didn’t even know where you were! I might have never known what happened. All because _you_ decided to be a reckless hero yet again!”

“None of that happened, did it?” Ahsoka’s voice rose as anger overtook the self-enforced calm. “It was _your_ master that decided to run off on a crazy mission. What did you want me to do? Chain her to a chair? Besides, she’s perfectly capable of making her own choices. If Luminara wants to risk her life for something important to her, she can. And, so can I. Get over it!”

Barriss’ entire presence went cold. She leapt from the bed and began pulling on clothes. Her wife walking away from an argument hadn’t happened in a very long time.

 _Bang up job, Ahsoka._ Rising swiftly, she crossed the room and pinned Barriss’ arms to her sides. “Stop. Please, don't go. I'm sorry. I shouldn’t have lost my temper.”

The muscles coiled beneath her grasp as if readying to throw off the hold, but then went slack. Barriss collapsed forward into Ahsoka’s chest with a tearful reply, “Gods, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean it. I didn’t.”

Releasing a relieved breath, Ahsoka slid arms around her. “It’s alright.”

“No, it’s not.” Foggy eyes drew back and looked up penitently. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Ahsoka gazed at her. “It really is ok. I’m fine. Though, I am concerned about you. Maybe, we should talk about it?”

There was a small shrug. “I just shouldn’t have overreacted. I mean it was a foolish risk and my normal reaction is annoyance and worry.” There was a weak grin. “But, I’m used to that.”

Giving a small snort, Ahsoka said, “Yeah, if you aren't used to my recklessness by now we’ve got serious issues. Though, in this case, I didn’t go out of my way to be. I knew it was a silly risk, but Luminara was determined. I couldn’t let her go alone.”

A hand reached up to lay on her cheek. “I know. It’s not your fault. It wasn’t really hers, either. You were right. She can make her own decisions. Sometimes, I get—I suppose the idea of losing you both was too much or something.”

Sudden understanding flashed. _Felucia._ “Oh, I didn’t even think about… Ok, I won’t run off without leaving you some kind of word in future. We can work out a system to leave each other messages, for when we don’t want to use standard channels, alright?”

A relieved smile formed on her wife’s face. “That sounds good. Thanks.”

Ahsoka wasn’t sure how to address the rest. The aftermath of losing both her and Luminara on the same day clearly hadn’t faded, even years later. _When everyone thinks you’re dead, it’s a bit hard to convince them you’ll never die again. Force it. I’m going with it._ Kissing her wife’s forehead, she murmured, “More importantly, please believe I am never leaving you again. I promise.”

The woman relaxed against her. “Better not.”

She asked hesitantly, “Do you want to hear the rest of the story? Or, should we talk about it some other time?”

There was silence for a moment and then a surprisingly mischievous grin shined up at her. “Let’s go back to bed and see what strikes us.”

Raising devilish eyebrows, Ahsoka grinned back. “As you wish, my lady.” She swept Barriss into her arms and to their waiting bed.

_______

Barriss giggled. “I’m so glad my emergency pack came in handy.”

“Honestly,” Ahsoka remarked with a snarky grin, “the fact that you had a rock chisel in it rather disturbed me.”

“Hey! You never know when you’ll need a chisel.”

She laughed and stroked her wife’s face. “True. Given the passageway exit was partially blocked, I suppose it also delights me.”

“As it should!”

Running fingers up to massage Barriss’ forehead, Ahsoka said, “Which brings me to something else. On our way out, I tripped over a crate of cloaks.” She paused to gauge the reaction.

“Oh.” The reply sounded tentative but the expression was unreadable.

“Which made me extremely appreciative of your current restraint,” she added lightly.

There was a small grin in response.

Ahsoka continued, “Under the multitude of cloaks, we found a locked metal box.”

Barriss grimaced. “Did you open it?”

“Nope. But, we did bring it back with us.”

“You did?” 

“Yeah, we thought it might be something that was important to you.” Ahsoka assessed her wife’s apparently unperturbed face. The reaction didn’t feel quite right.

There was a long exhale as Barriss’ eyes floated away. “It was.” Suddenly refocusing, she asked, “What did Luminara say about it?”

“Um, nothing much,” Ahsoka replied vaguely, “I think she assumed it was something personal you didn’t want her to know about.”

Barriss nodded, but didn’t say anything else.

Watching her for a few moments, Ahsoka finally asked, “So, do you want it?”

Impassive eyes met hers. “Yes. Thank you for bringing it.”

“Ok,” Ahsoka said intently, “you’re acting strange. What’s going on?”

Her wife turned toward the ceiling. “Nothing, I suppose I’m surprised. I didn’t expect to see it again.”

Shifting to lean over her, Ahsoka looked directly into Barriss’ eyes. “That’s not going to fly, my dear. If you don’t want it, I’ll get rid of it. Or, I can put it away for a later time. You don’t have to deal with it at all, if you want. Just tell me.”

A soft smile formed and Barriss lifted a hand to her face, tracing two fingers over the warrior markings. “I do want it, I think. It’s only that it represents who I used to be and… who I wanted to be. I don’t know that I can explain it. Give me some time to process and decide, alright?”

Dipping her head, Ahsoka brushed lips over Barriss’. “Ok. Don’t forget I’m here, though. We can always work through it together.”

Her wife’s smile turned brilliant. “I love you so much.” Hands gripped the back of Ahsoka’s head, pulling her down into a deep kiss.

_Oh, I’m never letting you go._

_______

Ahsoka halted in the door, heart dropping.

Barriss was sitting on the edge of their bed, open metal box in her lap. Tears streamed down a hollow face.

Hastening across the room to kneel in front of her, Ahsoka rubbed gentle thumbs over the diamond tattoos. “Hey. Are you alright?”

“You are here?” a blank voice asked. “I left you in Shili.”

Worry spiking, Ahsoka tightened hands on her wife's face. “Concentrate on me. I’m right here with you. _Please,_ Barriss.”

The vacant eyes gradually focused. “Ah-Ahsoka?”

Letting out the breath she had been holding, Ahsoka started massaging the soft skin beneath her fingers. “Yes, it’s me.”

Barriss stared at her for a moment. “I d-don’t want… what should I do?”

“What should you do about what, my dear?” she asked anxiously.

The gaze drifted away again. “Necessary sacrifices. I’m sorry. I can’t fail.”

 _This isn’t working._ “Barriss, I don’t understand what’s going on. I need you to focus. Talk to me. Please.”

Piercing blue eyes snapped back to hers with sudden clarity. “You keep disappearing.” Panic flooded Barriss’ face. “Ahsoka, what’s happening to me?”

 _Oh Gods._ Intense fear clawed at Ahsoka’s heart. Steadying herself, she said firmly, “I haven’t gone anywhere. I’m right here and I always will be. Tell me what you’re feeling.”

“I can’t center. Memories are real, but not real. I am—my mind is—wait. Why are you here? I threw you away. I wish… No!” Barriss struggled from her grasp and leapt off the bed, contents of the box flying in all directions. “I don’t deserve you!”

Ahsoka twisted around in shock. “Barriss! Please, stop!”

Her wife was standing in the middle of the room, looking paralyzed and bewildered. “Where am I?”

She edged toward her carefully, trying not to cause another outburst. “Listen to me, my amazing, brilliant, beautiful wife. You’re at home—in our bedroom. Do you understand?”

Barriss blinked and shook her head violently. “Not possible. Where’s my master?”

Tears of fear were threatening, but Ahsoka shoved them away. “She’s right down the hall. Do you want to go see her? I can take you.”

“Yes,” was the vague reply, “I need to report.”

“Ok, this way, my dear,” Ahsoka said, trying to inject confidence into her tone.

Barriss followed mechanically.

Reaching the destination, she knocked insistently, keeping one eye on Barriss. “Here we are.” She reached out a hand, hoping her wife would take it.

The woman lifted her own, but then stopped halfway. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Because, I love you,” Ahsoka replied, hand still outstretched.

A momentarily joyful gaze looked back at her. “You… love me?” Her body began shaking. “No. That’s not possible.” The panic returned. “Where’s my master? I have to report!”

“I’m right here, Barriss,” a calm voice said.

Ahsoka glanced around with relief at the woman standing in the now open door.

A firm hand beckoned. “Come in and have a seat.”

Barriss obeyed and sat on the nearby settee, vacant expression still plastered on her face. Ahsoka followed unobtrusively, joining a wide-eyed Obi-Wan standing beside the bed.

Luminara closed the door and glanced at Ahsoka questioningly.

“I don’t know. She had opened the box. I found her like this.” Voice breaking, she added, “Everything I tried seemed to make it worse. Then, she asked for you.”

Obi-Wan put a supportive hand on Ahsoka’s shoulder, while Luminara contemplated for a moment. The woman seemed to wince and then she faced Barriss with an impassive gaze. “Report.”

An emotionless voice spoke in clipped monotones, “The Shili mission is complete, Master. There were some problems, but I did retrieve the intel. I told Lady Ti that I wasn’t interested in a position. I know it isn’t an ideal solution to resolve the situation in Dantooine. However, Cardota is still in danger and I only see one way to achieve the objective.”

Swallowing hard, Luminara said, “Apprentice, is it possible you are mixing up missions?”

The distant expression filled with anxiety. “Am I? I apologize for my lack of focus, Master. I will improve. I will be good enough.”

Luminara's face crunched painfully. Taking a deep breath, she sat gingerly on the settee. “Barriss. Listen to me. You are already good enough. I am very proud of you. Remember? We talked about this.”

A confused hand went to her forehead and Barriss murmured, “Did we? I don’t remember. Or, do I?” Stiffening, she locked scared eyes on Luminara. “Master, something’s wrong. Help me, please.”

The woman pulled her close, stroking Barriss’ hair gently. “I will. I promise. Now, tell me what’s happening.”

“I don’t know. I can’t—things keep changing. I’m in different places. Where’s Ahsoka?”

Jumping forward, Ahsoka hovered over them. “I’m right here, my dear.”

Barriss’ head lifted and she gazed up at her, expression fluctuating. “I’m so sorry. I’ll never hurt you again.” She turned back to Luminara. “Master, I don’t think I can give her up. I know it’s for the greater good, but I can’t do it.”

Before anyone could respond, Barriss’ body started to spasm. Then, her eyes flicked upwards and she collapsed.

_______

“I don’t understand,” Ahsoka said blankly as she stared at the metal box, haphazardly laying on its side.

Luminara scanned the scattered contents now lining the floor. Her gaze narrowed and she rushed across the room, carefully picking up an oddly-shaped glass vial from the ground. “It can’t be.”

Ahsoka walked up behind her. “What is it?”

“No. Please, no. It can’t be,” the woman said again.

Growing concerned, Ahsoka circled around to look directly at her. “What's in this? Is it important?”

There was no response, but the fingers holding the unknown vial began trembling.

Feeling herself going over the edge, Ahsoka reached for the item in frustration.

Luminara thrust out a hand and stepped back. “Don’t touch it, Ahsoka. It’s dangerous.”

She halted mid-reach as the fear returned. “Dangerous how?”

“It’s a toxin that causes a kind of psychosis, before…”

Stomach twisting, Ahsoka asked hoarsely, “Before? Before what?”

“Before it kills you,” she replied softly.

Stumbling backwards, Ahsoka barely made it to the bed before falling down. “Is there—how—what’s the treatment?”

There were several quick breaths and then Luminara placed the vial on the side table. “There is one, but it’s effectiveness is dependent on how much of the toxin was ingested.”

Ahsoka’s head shot up. “Ingested? Are you suggesting Barriss—that she actually—”

“Yes. Getting it on your skin has limited effect. It’s possible it spilled into the box and Barriss got a minimal dose from touching things. But, that shouldn’t have caused the level of distress we just witnessed.”

A deluge of fury crashed over her and Ahsoka leapt from the bed. “It’s impossible! There is no way Barriss would do that. Ever.”

Luminara moved forward and grabbed her gesticulating hands. “I know, Ahsoka. I am only telling you how it works. We’ll figure it out later. Now, we need to focus on a remedy.”

Anger draining, she sucked in a calming breath. “You’re right. How do we get this antidote or whatever it is?”

“Where are Barriss’ supplies? She might have it already. It’s used for a few other maladies, as well. If not, our best option would be Naboo or Chandrila.”

Ahsoka straightened. “Let’s check.”

_______

“This is it,” Luminara said with deep relief, picking up a tiny vial from the healing supply closet.

Ahsoka’s entire body sagged as some of the crippling fear receded. “Thank the Force.”

“We need to mix this with a full glass of water and get her to drink the entire contents. That could be tricky. There’s not much here and we need it all. So, there is no room for error.”

Considering briefly, Ahsoka said, “I think you should try it.”

Luminara tensed. “Me?”

“You had the most luck with her earlier. Whatever she is experiencing, it apparently includes obeying your instructions.”

The woman’s gaze dropped to the ground. “There’s a reason. She’s terrified of failing me. Just like when she was—”

Ahsoka grabbed Luminara’s shoulders. “Yes. That’s how things were and we can’t pretend they weren't. Right now, that _you_ is what Barriss needs. Please, I know you can do this.”

Tears began forming, but then her face hardened. “You’re right. It’s time for Master Unduli to live again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this isn't good...


	3. Understanding the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luminara has trouble dealing with her mistakes, while Ahsoka struggles to understand what is going on.

“Barriss, wake up.”

Groggy eyes opened. “M-master?”

“Of course. Who else would it be? Now, sit up. We have training.”

“I don’t think I can. I’m not feeling well.”

Luminara’s gaze hardened. “You don’t think you can? Did I hear that accurately?”

Barriss cringed and then dragged her body upwards. Sliding legs over the edge of the bed, she answered tremulously, “I apologize, Master. I can.”

Her heart began to throb, but Luminara maintained an impassive stare. “Indeed. Before we begin, have you consumed your required daily allotment of water?”

“I-I don’t know,” was the nervous reply. 

“Really, Barriss? What have we discussed?”

The girl straightened and recited, “It is critical to maintain a healthy level of fluids in order to operate at peak efficiency.”

“Then, why do you insist on disregarding my lessons?” The pulsating pain in her chest intensified.  _ This was you. You can’t ignore what you were. _

“I am trying, Master. I must have forgotten. I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“You mean you are not focused. A lack of focus leads to failure.” Luminara resisted the urge to clench her fists. Forcing herself forward, she asked flatly, “Are you a failure, Barriss?”

There was a sharp flinch. “I don’t mean to disappoint you. I will do better.”

_ You are a monster. _ Luminara raised an eyebrow. “We will see.” Then, she fixed a stern look and waited.  _ Please, Barriss. I can’t lose you now. _

The girl stared at her for several moments. Finally processing the meaning, she glanced around frantically. Spotting the glass of water by the bed, Barriss picked it up and gulped it dry. Returning it to the side table, she looked back with trepidation. “I am now ready, Master.”

Relief flooded her soul and Luminara’s expression softened. “Excellent. That is all that is required at the moment. You may return to bed.”

Blue eyes widened, panic filling them. “That is not necessary. I can function. I won’t disappoint you.”

_ Finish it. _ Luminara reverted to impassivity. “Did you not mention feeling unwell, Apprentice? Tell me, is it logical to attempt complex tasks while partially incapacitated?”

“Not unless absolutely needed. It can lead to failure.”

“Very good, Barriss. In that case, what is the best decision in the current situation?”

Her body relaxed. “For me to rest now and continue my training after I have recovered.”

“Correct. Or, would you prefer to continue disregarding my instruction?”

Laying back down, Barriss rushed out, “Of course not. Thank you, Master. I will recover as quickly as possible.” 

“I expect no less,” Luminara stated in a matter of fact tone.

Barriss nodded and her eyes fluttered closed as she fell back to sleep.

Luminara backed away unsteadily, not daring to look at what would certainly be horrified expressions worn by Ahsoka and Obi-Wan. She collapsed on the settee, tears falling, and curled into her knees.  _ Oh, Barriss. I am so sorry. _

_______

_ I don’t understand. _ That was the only thought Ahsoka seemed capable of in the last few hours. She dug fingernails into her palms and pressed herself against the wall.  _ Stay calm. Don’t interfere. She’s doing this for Barriss. _

The entire conversation was rage-inducing.  _ That is not the real Luminara. Remember? You forced her to do this. _

Still, Ahsoka couldn’t ignore the reality before her now. This had been Barriss’ life for years. Hearing about it was one thing. Watching it happen was another entirely. The contrast between the reserved yet caring woman Ahsoka knew and the cold, unforgiving taskmaster currently on display was mind twisting.  _ They couldn’t have been like this all the time. Barriss wouldn’t have been capable of everything she is… right? _

_ I need to understand. _ Perhaps, Luminara had been raised by someone like herself. In her desperation, the traumatized woman had reverted to what she knew. Like Barriss, when given the opportunity she had been able to break free and rectify her mistakes. The line of thought gave Ahsoka a bit of comfort back. There had to be an explanation and that one would work as well as any other.

Glancing over at Obi-Wan, her heart dropped. The man’s face radiated deep pain and regret.  _ He still blames himself for this. _ She gripped his shoulder. He gave her a weak smile, but his eyes held misery.  _ Another thing I don’t know how to fix. _

Ahsoka’s tensed muscles released as Barriss drank the entire mixture and went back to sleep. Luminara backed across the room, small shudders rolling down her body. She stumbled to the settee and crunched into a ball, quiet sobs piercing the silence. 

Obi-Wan sat beside the crying woman, stroking her hair and murmuring comfort. 

Feeling adrift and superfluous, Ahsoka wandered to the bed and searched for answers in the sleeping face.  _ What happened? Why did you have deadly poison stashed away in the first place? _ The obvious explanation was horrifying. _ Please, let there be another reason. _ Her disturbed thoughts churned in increasing chaos.  _ Why? Was it an accident? It has to be. Wake up and tell me you didn’t do this on purpose. Please.  _

Reaching out gentle fingers, she ran small circles into Barriss’ forehead as tears escaped her eyes.  _ I don’t understand. _

_______

Examining the item, Ahsoka considered. The square, thick stack of parchment tied together at the ends was obviously some kind of journal. That much was clear from the toxin-contaminated pages she had been forced to rip out and throw away. However, much of it remained and Ahsoka was struggling.

_ It might have an explanation. For all of it. _ Of course, it could just as likely be random thoughts.  _ Would she mind? I don’t know. _ Staring at the unconscious figure on their bed, she fluctuated between the need for answers and guilt at invading the privacy of the woman she loved.  _ What are you looking for? A justification? That’s not a good enough reason. _

Placing it reluctantly on the floor with the pile of cleaned items, she re-wrapped protective cloth over her hand and picked up the last object. The black velvet pouch appeared unsullied. Still, she dumped the contents onto the settee, in case the dangerous liquid had worked its way inside.

Scanning the items, Ahsoka froze.  _ Can’t be. _ Picking up the smooth, thin slice of stone, she held it in the palm of her hand.  _ It is. _

Etched into the surface were clearly defined montrals and lekku. They were smaller and shorter than Ahsoka’s now, probably closer to her teenage years. Familiar warrior markings flowed over the space where cheeks and a forehead should be. Two eyes shined from the vague outlines of a face. Blue ink, amazingly close to Ahsoka’s own color, filled them.  _ Did she make this after we first met? It’s beautiful. _

The utter happiness at the meaning behind the item abruptly crashed when Ahsoka remembered why she had found it. Laying it back on the settee, the woman looked at the other two items in confusion. One was a small, stout arrowhead and the other was a twisted piece of dark blue fabric.  _ Ok then. _

She was still trying to decipher the meaning of the random objects, when a hoarse voice interrupted her reverie, “Did you find anything important?”

Glancing up, she saw a puffy-faced Luminara perched anxiously in the doorway.  _ Gods, she looks terrible. _ Her normally erect posture was limp and defeated, skin pale and drawn. Worry about the impact of seeing everything Barriss had hidden made Ahsoka smile a little too widely and move the box in front of the pile on the floor. “Not much. I’ve cleaned the spilled toxin off, though. This is the last of it.”

Luminara unsteadily approached, gaze travelling over the items. Fixing on the stone etching, her mouth tightened. Then, to Ahsoka’s surprise, it formed a distant smile. 

Unsure whether to speak, she shifted in nervous apprehension and then asked, “Are you… ok?”

There was a weary breath as Luminara lowered herself onto the other end of the settee. “No, I don’t think I am. I’m sure it will pass. No doubt more quickly than it should.” Glancing over at the pile of cleaned items now visible from her seated position, she started. Raising a shaking finger, Luminara said hoarsely, “Can I see that book?”

Raising eyebrows, Ahsoka looked at where she was pointing and picked up the tattered item. “Um, sure. It’s in rough shape. The cover is ripped up and the ink has faded. I had to get rid of most of the pages. They were soaked with toxin. I’m sure it was beautiful at one point, though. Bound books are expensive and a leather covering is even more luxurious.”

The woman took it, flipping through the few remaining pages, expression twisting into something resembling a pained happiness. 

Watching for a moment, Ahsoka said tentatively, “Does it mean something to you?”

“Yes. I gave it to Barriss a very long time ago.”

_ Huh. _ “What was it about?” she asked with interest.

There was a wry smile. “A spy who finds love on a mission.”

Ahsoka’s jaw dropped. “Wait. You gave her a romance novel?”

Luminara snorted. “I know. It was in a cache of items secured in a mission, but irrelevant to my objective. I intended to dispose of it, when I thought of Barriss. We were going to complete her ritual tattoos the next day. It’s Mirialan custom to give the child a gift on ascension day. I’m sure I came up with a logical justification, like enhancing creativity or analyzing targets or something.” Her head dropped and the woman gripped the book, knuckles whitening. “She apparently kept it.” 

Placing a hand on hers, Ahsoka said, “Of course, she did. Clearly, Barriss enjoyed it, given the worn condition. It must have meant a lot to her.”

Luminara sighed. “I’m not sure if that makes everything better or worse.” Shaking herself, she handed the book back.

Ahsoka returned it to the floor with frustration.  _ I don’t know how to make her feel better. _ She sat in silence, trying to decide what else to say.

Luminara began running a finger over the stone etching of Ahsoka and murmured, “She is so special.”

“Well,” she replied brightly, “no arguments on that one.”

That got her a weak grin in return, before the expression reverted to misery. “Look at this. No matter what I put Barriss through, she found a way to retain herself. Not to mention the artistry involved. How did I ever manage to find such an amazing child? I certainly never deserved her.”

Still trying to lighten the mood, she remarked, “Me neither. I often wonder how I got so lucky.”

Luminara fixed on her with unexpected intensity. “Ahsoka, you are literally the  _ only _ person in this world who deserves her. No one else could even come close. It wasn’t a matter of luck. It was meant to be. The two most special people in existence could only be happy with each other.”

Ahsoka was taken aback at the vehemence, but produced a rueful smile. “Once again, we’ll have to disagree on your overestimation of my specialness.”

“No. Not this time. You have to believe me.” The voice turned desperate. “Please, you have to.”

Eyes widening, she considered what to do.  _ I guess go with it? _ “Ok, you win. I’m special. Barriss is special. We’re all special.”

Luminara leapt up with sudden energy and crouched in front of her. “Please, Ahsoka. Believe me. I can’t fail with you too. If I leave this world without convincing you… I can’t. Please.”

Concerned, she gripped the woman’s shoulders. “Luminara, what is this really about? What is going on?”

The woman crumpled beneath her hands. “I just want to make sure you are alright.”

Fear began creeping into her soul and she asked anxiously, “Why is that so important at this moment?”

There was no response as Luminara's gaze drifted away, light fading out of it.

Giving her a firm shake, Ahsoka continued, “No, you don’t get to leave it there. Look at me. You tell me what is wrong. Right now.”

The empty face filled with despair. “I-I don’t deserve to be here.” Jumping up, she whispered, “I’m sorry… for everything.” A cry resembling a wounded animal escaped Luminara's lips as she fled the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's not good either.  
> It hurt to write our old 'friend' Master Unduli again, I have to say.   
> Also, the idea of Barriss keeping everything that ever made her happy in a box with deadly poison has so many psychological ramifications I don't even know where to start.


	4. Accepting the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barriss is stuck in the past.  
> Ahsoka doesn't understand the past.  
> Luminara wants to forget the past.  
> Obi-Wan is going to be a busy, supportive, worried, pile of regret for the foreseeable future.  
> Ah, family.

“Please, talk to me.” The torment in her face was making him desperate. _I won’t fail this time._

Trembling lips and a distressed expression stared back at him. Then, Luminara’s body seemed to uncoil, plummeting to the sandy ground outside the base. “I can’t do this anymore, Obi-Wan.”

He settled beside her. “Alright. Give me a bit more. What can’t you do?”

“All of it. I’m never going to escape my mistakes. They’re still hurting Barriss to this day. No matter how hard I work to be different, I can’t change what was.”

Putting an arm around her, Obi-Wan said, “I understand. There are many things I wish I could change, decisions I should have made, people I should have helped, mistakes I should have rectified. So much loss and pain could have been averted.”

She leaned against him. “You blame yourself for too much, my love. In any case, you were never cruel or uncaring to the people you loved. We both lost everything, but unlike me, you kept making the world and the lives around you better.”

“It doesn’t feel like that sometimes,” he said quietly.

Luminara lifted a hand to the one around her, interlocking their fingers. “It’s true. I’m not sure you can understand how it feels to have permanently injured someone that should have been your first priority. The person who was most depending on you and should have gotten every bit of your love, but received the worst of you instead.”

He stiffened. “You think I don’t understand that? Who do you think set off the entire chain of events that caused all of this? I’m the one who hurt you. I’m the one who lost himself in grief and anger. I’m the one who gave up trying to save you. None of that is fixable now. It will be with me forever,” Obi-Wan ended hoarsely.

“Stop it!” Luminara snapped, raring back angrily. “We’ve been over this again and again. It isn’t your fault, not even close. I made my own choices. Barriss couldn’t. I forced them on her. If you dare keep trying to take the blame for my actions, I’m going to—going to—” she broke off as tears flooded her face.  

Pulling the woman into his chest, he stroked her hair. “I’m sorry. This isn’t about my failures. I only wanted you to know that I understand on some level the terrible feeling of not being able to change the past.”

There was a pained breath. “I do and I’m sorry. I didn't mean to disregard your pain. I know it hurts you.” She went almost limp in his arms. “I’m just so tired, Obi-Wan. I don’t know how much more I can handle. The person I once was isn’t something I even comprehend. I'm constantly looking at a stranger and hating her, but can't ignore the terrible truth that she’s me.”

“Ok, that makes sense. What do you need?”

“I wish I could tell you. It’s killing me, though. It feels like a never-ending battle and I'm losing. Recent events pushed it to the forefront, but it's always there. I’m afraid it’s going to end up hurting Barriss over and over again the more I try and fail to be what she needs.” There was a long silence and a small voice whispered, “Maybe… I need some time away to figure everything out properly? Where I can't hurt Barriss in the process?”

Obi-Wan released a slow breath, thinking through options. It wasn’t an ideal solution, but if it gave Luminara confidence to move forward it was better than the alternatives. “If that’s what you need, that’s what we’ll do.”

She leaned back and gazed at him. “You don’t have to come with me. I don’t want to take you away from your family. You’re happy here.”

The man shook his head. “I can be happy many places, as long as I have you. Besides, if you think I’m ever letting you go off without me again, you haven’t been listening to a word I’ve said.”

Her expression brightened and the misery fell away. A soft smile formed. “As long as I have you, I think I can handle anything.”

Sighing with relief, Obi-Wan kissed her forehead. Then, he produced a mock wounded expression. “That’s the best you can do? No ‘Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re the most amazing man on the planet’? Maybe, something about how you can’t imagine your life without me? I’ll even settle for a simple remark on how unbelievably handsome I am.”

An impish eyebrow lifted. “Hmm… I can do much, much better than that. Well, assuming I have the proper motivation.”

Flashing a boyish grin, Obi-Wan ran lips over her neck. “Let’s see what I can do, shall we?”

_______

“Obi-Wan, tell me what’s happening.”

He looked up from his chair next to Barriss’ bed. “What?”

Ahsoka crossed from the doorway, determined expression locked on him. “Luminara. Something is terribly wrong. She's worrying me.”

“Oh.” _She’ll feel helpless._ Chewing his lip for a moment, the man exhaled in resignation. _I suppose the girl has to learn she can’t fix everything._ “This entire situation has reopened some issues. Fortunately, she decided to talk about it. Otherwise, I don't know what would have—I think she might need some time away.”

The woman sat on the bed. “What does that mean? Time away from what? From here? From us? From life?”

“All of the above, I suppose.”

The expressive face filled with confused pain. “I don’t understand any of this.”

Leaning toward her, Obi-Wan said kindly, “That’s life, my darling girl. Sometimes, it doesn’t make sense.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Anger blazed from fierce eyes. “You think I haven’t experienced incomprehensible things so many times I can’t even count them?! I’m not a child anymore, Obi-Wan. I know life is difficult. That doesn’t mean we shouldn't try to make it better.”

Sinking back into his chair, the man put a tired hand to his forehead. “Ahsoka, I understand.” _My whole life feels like that._ Taking a moment, he finally continued, “I’m only trying to say that sometimes you can’t make things better. Or, the way to do so is not an easy answer to figure out.”

“I'm sorry,” a quiet voice said, “I guess it’s all too much.” Ahsoka gazed at a distant point in the air. “My wife apparently overdosed for unknown reasons with a toxin she had hidden away—suggesting things I don’t even want to contemplate. I can only wait and see if she is going to survive. In the meantime, I’ve witnessed someone I now consider family become the heartless stranger she once was to the woman I love. Which has caused some sort of mental breakdown, resulting in her throwing us all away—taking someone else important to me with her. I just… can’t.”

“Well, when you put it like that, I’m surprised you aren’t throwing furniture yet,” he remarked.

A small grin flashed. “I am amazingly composed these days, aren’t I? It’s a good thing Luke is in Corellia with Leia or I might really have gone over the edge by now. And, don’t get me started on Rex finding out Barriss is in distress. I had hoped everything would be back to normal before anyone knew it happened.” The reply was light, but the extreme anxiety was evident. “I can’t explain any of this to them. I don't even understand what's happening.”

_She’s afraid of losing the stability she worked so hard to create._ Obi-Wan considered how best to tackle the issue. Ahsoka’s anxiety so often stemmed from not being able to make things better, especially for those she loved. There was a compulsive need to try, successful or not. In this case, the girl didn’t know where to start and was beginning to blame herself. _She needs a way to process it._

Obi-Wan said, “Let’s see if we can figure it out together, my dear. I assume the current situation was an accident of some kind. I’m not aware of any recent issues. Even then, no matter how bad things were, there is no way Barriss would voluntarily give up or choose to leave you. If there is anything in this world she depends on, it’s you.”

A soft smile formed. “Thanks.”

“In fact, even when Barriss did lose you, she kept going. The toxin being hidden away during some of the darkest times in her life only emphasizes the point. Even when there were reasons to give up, she didn’t. That says something.”

The fierce blue eyes brightened with a shining intensity. “You’re right. I’m looking at everything backwards. It’s not a sign of what could have been, but evidence of what is.”

Obi-Wan's eyebrows lifted at the concise and insightful summary. “Sometimes, Ahsoka, I find myself literally incapable of describing how special you are.”

She grimaced. “Not you too. Will you people give it up already?”

The man grinned. “Nope.”

Ahsoka’s eyes rolled.

“As for Luminara, you may not have context to realize how positive this is. The Luminara I loved in my youth would have simply vanished without warning and become someone else. The Luminara that a young Barriss experienced would have pretended everything was fine, while killing everything inside of her. The Luminara you rescued from Palpatine a few short years ago might have taken more drastic… permanent measures.” He shuddered. “This Luminara decided to talk about it, to face the pain, to ask for help.”

She gazed at him in apparent contemplation and then slowly nodded. “Ok, I get that. You think this is the best option, though? To run away from the problem?”

Obi-Wan shook his head. “It doesn’t matter what I think. It matters what Luminara thinks she can handle. And, I’m certainly not going to let her handle it on her own.”

The woman’s shoulders slumped. “Alright, I’ll try to deal with it. I still think she would be better off with her entire family for support.”

“I tend to agree, but she is convinced it would only hurt Barriss more. I also think Luminara believes she doesn’t deserve to be happy. Being here makes her happy. Away from the immediate threat of a meltdown, we can work on it. I’m only glad she didn’t try to leave me behind, as well.” His heart clenched with remembered pain.

“Oh, that part actually makes sense to me. Like Barriss, once Luminara believes someone needs her specifically, even if she thinks they would be better off without her, there is no letting go. It could be the overdeveloped sense of duty or just being unable to bear hurting someone they love. I don’t know where it comes from, really.”

Obi-Wan gazed at her. _She’s right._ Ahsoka was utterly bewildered sometimes and nearly clairvoyant at others. There seemed to be no discernible pattern to it.

The woman added thoughtfully, “Luminara probably thinks the rest of us would be fine without her, but not you. Though, she is definitely underestimating our level of attachment. Everyone would miss her, but Barriss would be devastated to lose her. Actually… so would I,” Ahsoka ended in a surprised voice, as if suddenly realizing it.

“Huh,” he remarked in some amazement, “You are—”

“Surprisingly and randomly deep, I know,” she interrupted with an annoyed expression. “You people should really be used to it by now.”

Sliding forward, Obi-Wan wrapped arms around her. “I’m beginning to think you pretend to not understand things. That way you can whip out wisdom beyond your years for effect.”

There was a snort as Ahsoka returned the hug. “Guess you’ll never know. Though, I do like to keep you on your toes, Master.”

He laughed. “Good.”

_______

“I am so sorry.” A tear fell on Barriss’ face and Luminara gently wiped it away. “You wouldn’t even be laying here if it wasn't for me. I can’t change the past, but I won’t hurt your future anymore.”

Eyelids flickered and a soft murmur emanated from the girl on the bed. “M-master?”

Inhaling sharply, Luminara stroked her cheek. “Yes, it’s me. Can you hear me?”

The eyes didn’t open, but there was a weak nod. “Why are you apologizing? Did I do something wrong?”

Barriss had been in and out of consciousness over the last two days, but this was the first time she had spoken with anything approaching clarity. Luminara asked anxiously, “What? No. Why would you think that?”

“Because, I don’t understand. I made mistakes on the mission. Are you sorry you ever decided to train me?”

_She’s still not here. No wonder she is confused._ Preparing to play her part, Luminara realized she couldn’t do it. _I can’t even pretend anymore._ The last time had almost killed her. The pain on her child’s face had been unbearable. _The pain you inflicted every day of her young life, Luminara. You can’t fix the past, but maybe you can finally do what you should have done then._ Taking a deep breath, she replied, “I never regretted training you, Barriss. You have exceeded even my highest expectations. You are truly amazing.”

There was a small gasp as confused happiness spread over the pensive face. “R-r-really?”

Bending closer, she whispered, “Really, my dear. I am very proud of you.”

The eyelids seemed to be fighting to open, until they eventually slitted and piercing blue eyes peeked out. “It is you.” The voice sounded disbelieving and joyful at the same time. “You don't—did you mean that?”

Luminara locked an intense gaze on her. “Absolutely. You are everything I ever wanted you to be and more. You have far surpassed me. I couldn’t be prouder.”

The eyelids opened wider still. A multitude of emotions flew across Barriss’ face, none finding dominance. Then, a shy smile formed. “I had a good teacher.”

_This is what could have been._ The reminder of terrible failure was excruciating. _Enough of your agonizing. Focus on what she needs for once._ Luminara smiled warmly back. “I love you so much, my amazing child.”

The smile dropped and Barriss’ entire body went rigid. Her mouth opened and closed repeatedly.

Concerned, Luminara placed a hand on her forehead, checking the heat level. It was still feverish, but no more than over the last couple of days. “Are you alright?”

After a long pause, the girl stuttered, “You… s-s-smiled. Did you say—is this a dream?” Barriss’ expression was filling with fearful apprehension.

_Oh. Was that too much for her to process? Or, maybe it only needs reinforcement._ Luminara gripped both sides of her face, trying to convey earnest assurance. “It’s definitely _not_ a dream. This is real. I promise.” Smiling brightly, she added, “And, yes, I love you. You are my child and I couldn’t ask for a better one.”

Barriss started trembling and then a rush of tears poured down her face.

Sitting on the bed, she leaned over her and rubbed Barriss’ cheeks, drying the tears. “I should have told you how special you were a long time ago. You have always been good enough and I have always loved you. So, don’t you ever doubt it again.”

Tentative arms reached up and wrapped around Luminara, not letting go. “I love—I love you too.”

She kissed her forehead and murmured, “That makes me happier than I have any right to be.”

An ethereal smile spread on Barriss’ face, remaining in place long after she fell back to sleep.

_______

“How much longer until we know if it’s working?” she asked, trying to keep her voice even. It had been three days since giving Barriss the antidote with very little change in her condition. The worry was starting to overwhelm Ahsoka’s exhausted control.

Luminara was propped against a bed post, gazing at an unconscious Barriss. Absent shoulders lifted in a shrug. “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?!” Ahsoka cried and started pacing around the room. “Why don’t you know?”

“I’ve never had to use it. I only know the theoretical principles, not practical impacts on people of varying constitutions. How effective and how fast the treatment works also depends on how much was ingested. Since we don’t know that, I can’t even make a guess. I’m sorry.”

The reply was delivered with a calm rationality that made Ahsoka want to throttle something. Squeezing tight fists, she faced the nearest wall and tried to regain her composure. “Should we get more of it and try again?”

“No. That can have negative consequences. We already gave her the maximum amount indicated. It’s a matter of waiting.”

Unable to stop the now exploding frustration, fists slammed into the wall. Feeling some relief at the action, she pressed palms against it and tilted her head forward, soaking the cold stone into her skin. After regaining sufficient control, Ahsoka straightened and turned around to find Luminara directly behind her. Jolting with surprise, she blurted out, “Sorry, just lost it for a second.”

A hand reached out and Luminara traced a single finger over her cheek. “Actually, I’m surprised you haven’t destroyed half the room by now.” There was a guilty smile. “Speaking of, I may have accidentally broken one of your spare gauntlets yesterday.”

Ahsoka’s mouth dropped open and then transformed into a grin. “Well, nice to know I’m not the only one.” She added airily, “Though, we may have to discuss the replacement of what I’m sure will turn out to be a very valuable and sentimental piece of armor.”

“Oh, will it?” An amused eyebrow raised. “Perhaps, you shouldn’t leave it lying haphazardly in the corner of your room if you don’t want people to throw it against walls.”

She laughed. “You’re lucky. Barriss would have put it away by now and you would have been fresh out of things to toss around.” The reminder of her wife’s compulsive habit of putting belongings where Ahsoka couldn’t find them brought anxiety rushing back.

Gentle fingers massaged her cheek. “It will be alright, my dear. What would you tell me in this situation?”

Ahsoka grimaced. “I’d tell you to have faith. I know. Still, I can’t seem to…” Exhaustion overtaking her, she moved to the settee and plopped down. “It’s all too much.”

Luminara pursed lips and sat beside her. “Tell me what’s too much.”

Staring at a random spot on the floor, her thoughts tumbled out, “Barriss having this stuff. Not knowing why she took it or if she’s going to recover. Me bringing the box that caused it all in the first place. You’re—you being the way you were and how you are now. Obi-Wan blaming himself. You both leaving, maybe forever. It feels like my life is suddenly falling apart around me again and I can’t fix any of it.”

There was a deep breath and then Luminara unexpectedly pulled Ahsoka's head down into her lap. “It is a bit too much at once, isn’t it? I suppose that’s why I am having trouble handling it, as well.” A comforting hand began stroking her montrals.

_I’m not a child._ About to extricate herself, she stopped. The calming tone and soothing touch overpowered the inclination. Ahsoka’s muscles released and she curled up, settling her head into the embrace. It felt like a distant memory of being safe and loved. She couldn't pinpoint where it came from, but it was definitely a different kind of contentment. _Huh. I wonder if this is how my mother used to hold me?_

Luminara continued in a pained voice, “This started with a mission to get something back from my old life. Now, my new life feels out of control. All of it because I spent years pretending I had no life. I don’t do well when I can’t process things.”

_Me neither._ “What can we do about it, then?”

“I don’t know, my special girl. I suppose we’ll have to do the best we can as we go.”

For some reason, that made Ahsoka feel more confident. “Ok.” Hesitating briefly, she asked, “Does that mean you aren’t going to leave?”

Luminara stiffened and her hand started twitching. “I don't…”

Ahsoka waited in nervous anticipation. _Did I push too far?_

The fingers resumed their reassuring movements over her montrals. “Not right now. We’ll work on it together for a while. After that, if I still need time away, I’ll tell you. Some things I may have to fix myself. We can see how it goes, though. Do we have a deal?”

Happy smile spreading across her face, Ahsoka whispered, “Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan Kenobi: Professional Counselor on the verge of his own mental breakdown  
> Barriss Offee: Sleeping through all the angst, but now happily delusional  
> Luminara Unduli: I'm the worst. No one could possibly need me... or do they?  
> Ahsoka Tano: Nobody is ever allowed to leave me again! Don't even think about it. Get it together, people! I may not be completely emotionally stable right now but I'm damn sure going to try to make all of you better.


	5. Facing the Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will everyone choose to remain in the past or create a new future?

Barriss forced sluggish eyelids open. _Ugh. I must have worked too late again. Wait. When did I go to bed?_ She lifted a groggy head and glanced around. _Uh, ok…_  

Ahsoka was asleep beside her, body contorted in a strange half-sitting position. Luminara was curled at the foot of the bed, head resting awkwardly against a bed post. Obi-Wan was lolling in a nearby chair, chin drooping on his chest.

_What is going on?_ She ran through any memory that came to mind. _The box. I was reading my old journal. Then what?_ Strange images jumped in and out of conscious thought. _That can't be right._

Barriss scanned the sleeping faces again. They were all drawn and shadowed, distress written across them. _Guess I've been ill?_ Fuzzy memories flew by of a panicked Ahsoka, an anxious Obi-Wan, and a crying Luminara. _Wait. Crying? I am obviously not remembering things properly._

“Hey, I am—” A raspier than expected voice came out. Barriss cleared her throat and tried again, “So, looks like you missed me?”

Three heads snapped up in unison and hovered over her. No one spoke, but there was a collective exhale.

Giving a hopefully reassuring grin, she continued, “I take it I worried everyone a bit?”

Ahsoka choked on a gasping snort. “A bit, yeah.” She pressed gentle lips to hers and then leaned back to wipe away a tear.

Obi-Wan brushed knuckles over Barriss’ cheek. “More than a bit, my darling girl.” He stepped back, throwing a glance at Luminara.

The woman was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring unblinkingly at her, but not speaking.

Barriss reached out a hand. “I’m sorry I worried you.”

Luminara didn't respond and began shaking.

Concern rising at the odd reaction, she added, “I’m ok now, I think. Please, don’t worry anymore.”

Obi-Wan put a hand on Luminara’s shoulder. “Process one thing at a time, my love.”

Barriss stretched further to touch her arm. “Master? Are you alright?”

“I—I am—” Luminara leapt up and ran from the room.

_______

“Are you going to tell me what is wrong with my master?”

Ahsoka absently shook out the blanket, before spreading it on Barriss. “I don't know if I can, my dear. I’m sure Obi-Wan will handle it. Try not to worry.”

Her wife looked hardly better than Luminara had. The face was haggard with lines etched starkly into it. Her movements were sluggish and vacant. Even more worrying, the usually bright eyes had a dullness to them. Grabbing Ahsoka’s arm, Barriss halted the arranging of the blanket. “Stop. Just talk to me for a few minutes, please.”

The woman blinked a few times and then sat on the bed, taking Barriss’ hand and interweaving their fingers. “Ok. Let’s talk.”

“Tell me what happened, first.”

Jaw dropping, she blurted out, “You don’t know?”

“Not really. I assume I’ve been ill based on your reactions, but I don’t remember getting sick.”

Ahsoka examined their joined hands and asked in a weak voice, “What do you remember?”

“Not much. I was reading my journal. Then, there are vague images mixed up in my mind. The next thing I’m certain about is waking up a few minutes ago.”

“The images, do they—do you remember a bottle of toxin from your box?”

Barriss twitched, dread rising. “Um, no. Do you mean the old vial of Dytori extract?”

Ahsoka’s eyes squeezed shut. “Yes. You... drank it, apparently. Then, you started having delusions or something. Once we realized what was going on, Luminara found a treatment in your healing supplies and got you to take it. That was four days ago.”

“Four days?” Barriss echoed as she processed the words. “Wait. I drank it? Why would I do that?”

There was a hollow laugh. “I was hoping you could tell me.”

_Oh Gods. She’s afraid I did it on purpose._ “Ahsoka, look at me.”

Wary eyes opened and focused on her.

Sitting up, she placed both hands on Ahsoka’s face. “I don’t know why I did such a thing. However, I can tell you it wasn’t deliberate. I would _never_ choose to leave you. It’s impossible.”

The woman released an unsteady breath. “I know that really. I just can’t figure out what happened.” She added hesitantly, “I also don’t understand why you had it in the first place.”

Barriss cringed and then locked their eyes. “It’s difficult to explain. Sometimes, I felt as if there was no point to anything. It was a way out, I suppose. I’d like to tell you I never considered using it, but I can’t.”

Sadness filled the opposing gaze. “I wish things had been different.”

“They could have been,” Barriss said regretfully. “There were other options, but I didn't see them. I put myself in a box.” She flashed a tentative grin. “Literally.”

Her wife tried to return a grin, but it didn’t hold. “I should have searched for you. I could have helped. Or, maybe if I hadn’t been so clueless when we saw each other again, I—”  

“Stop right there.” She tightened the grip on Ahsoka’s face. “I forbid you to even finish that thought. There are multiple reasons why it’s ridiculous to blame yourself. Besides, you don’t know the most important part.” Barriss massaged fingers over her cheeks, before adding softly, “You know what actually did help me? Putting it in the same box with you. Anytime I was tempted, I took out my shining girl instead.”

This time, Ahsoka’s mouth curved into a happy smile. “Gods, I love you.”

“That’s why I couldn't have done it willingly now.” She met the fierce blue eyes with intensity. “When I have the real thing in front of me, you think I would even contemplate the idea? Never gonna happen.”

There was a choked breath and she sagged against Barriss’ chest. “Good.”

Wrapping arms around her, she pulled them both flat on the bed, holding Ahsoka tightly. Pressing tender lips to the montrals, Barriss whispered, “I will never leave you. I promise.”

There was a contented murmur as her wife relaxed in the embrace. “Better not.”

_______

“I thought we were supposed to be working on stuff together?”

Luminara winced and dropped the half-folded tunic onto the chair. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” She reached out a hand.

Letting out a relieved breath, Ahsoka took it. “You had me worried.”

The woman gave her a wan smile. “I worry myself sometimes.”

“So, what’s going on? Barriss is threatening to drag herself out of bed if you don’t come to see her soon. You know how anxious she gets.”

There was a grimace. “I will. I promise. I need to think through some things before talking to her is all.”

Unsure how much to push, she asked, “Can I help?”

Luminara gazed at her, indecision evident. Then, a soft smile appeared. “Come on, let’s walk and talk. I need some air.”

Ahsoka grinned happily. “Sounds perfect.”

_______

“I hear you’re anxious to see me?” a cheerful voice asked as Luminara strolled in the door.

Barriss shot up with relief. “Of course, I am. You ran out of the room this morning and never came back.”

The woman settled onto the bed beside her, stretching out and leaning back against the headboard to match their positions. Reaching over, she took Barriss’ hand and laid it in her lap. “I’m sorry, my dear. I needed a bit of time to gather my thoughts. It’s been a challenging week.”

_Woah._ The open demeanor was unusual enough, but the direct answer left Barriss nearly speechless. Pulling herself together, she said, “Uh, is everything ok now?”

There was a sigh. “Not really.” Fingers began stroking the hand resting in her lap. “I’m working on it, though. How are you feeling?”

Astonishment rising, Barriss answered mechanically, “I’m a little tired, but alright.” _Not good enough. If you want honesty, you have to give it._ “Ok, that’s not completely true. I don’t know why I would have done what I apparently did. It’s worrying me.”

“Understandable. Let’s see if we can figure it out together. What’s the last thing you remember doing before waking up?”

“I was reading my old journal.”

The woman appeared to consider for a moment and then asked slowly, “Do you remember how you were feeling as you read it?”

Her body tensed. _I can’t tell her that._ “Um, I don’t—”

“Barriss, this isn’t going to work if you hold back.” The fingers tightened around hers. “Tell me. Please.”

She looked away, but answered, “I felt… miserable. The more I read, the more everything came back to me. I didn’t think it would affect me that way. They were just random thoughts, but it was intense.”

There was silence for a moment and then a voice that was a little too controlled said, “As I thought.”

Shifting attention back to Luminara, her heart wrenched at the face that was unable to hide the pain. “It’s not true anymore, though. You know that, right? Everything is ok now.”

A weak smile formed. “I’m glad. In any case, I suppose we know what happened.”

“We do?”

“The vial spilled into the box at some point. Ahsoka had to clean toxin from everything, including several pages of your journal. The contamination on your skin likely enhanced the already strong emotions you were experiencing.”

_Ah, of course._ “The contact wasn’t enough to cause my reality to slip on it's own, but combining it with the intense memories had a similar effect. That should have passed quickly, though. I don't know why—” Her muscles snapped in realized pain. “Oh. I became my teenage self again for a terrible moment, trapped in my worst experiences. That girl couldn't handle it, saw a way out, and decided to—” she winced and looked back at her master.

“Yes,” the woman replied quietly.

_No. Please, don’t let this ruin everything._ “You think it’s your fault, don’t you? That’s why you didn’t want to see me.”

There was a short nod. “It is my fault.”

Distressed helplessness filled her. “Don’t say that.”

Anguish passed through Luminara’s face, before reverting to its usual closed expression. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”

_No._ “Stop!” Barriss recoiled and pulled knees to her chest. “Please,” she whispered, “don’t shut me out again.”

A tentative hand touched her cheek. “I’m not trying to—I just don’t know what you need me to say. I can’t pretend I wasn’t responsible for your suffering—suffering that came back once again and nearly killed you.”

“I don’t want you to think that,” Barriss choked out. “I want everything to be alright.” Leaning sideways, she laid against Luminara’s shoulder.

“Ignoring the truth won’t help either of us.” Gentle fingers began running through Barriss’ hair. “I’ve tried to be better, to be the master you should have had. But, I’ll never be able to make up for it all. Facing that has been a difficult journey over the last several days. It isn’t that I want to think it. It is simply… what is.”

“No,” she pleaded, “you are ignoring the good things you gave me. The many skills I use to help people, to lead a rebellion, to save lives all came from you. You taught me discipline, focus, and perseverance. Even things you probably regret, like functioning alone, objective assessment, or hiding my emotions are often assets.” She added lightly, “Plus, Ahsoka claims the eyebrow that drives her crazy originates with you. If that’s not a positive, I don’t know what is.”

Luminara snorted. “In that case, I suppose my work here is done.”

“Though, I’m pretty sure my dry, sarcastic streak came from you and she enjoys that. So, it’s a double-edged sword.”

That got her a small chuckle.

Feeling encouraged, Barriss continued, “Without you, I never would have met Ahsoka. I’d probably be dead on the street somewhere for that matter. I certainly wouldn’t be capable of the things I take for granted now. You can regret how you went about giving it all to me, if you must. But, don’t ignore the positives when you do.”

Luminara wrapped a hand around Barriss’ head, pressing it against her chest. “The positives are only positives because you are so special, my dear. You trying to convince me otherwise only confirms it. In other circumstances, the results could have been horrifying. They almost were…” she trailed off.

“You’re doing it again—giving me credit for the outcome, but nothing else. I’m a product of _both_ your choices and mine. I could have processed things differently, told you I was unhappy, or even left. I decided what became a part of me and what didn’t. Barriss Offee chose who to become, then and now. You can’t take that away from me.”

There was a tired exhale. “I’ll think about it, my dear. I need time to work through things. That might involve… leaving for a while.”

Jolting up, Barriss cried, “No! You can’t run away from me.” Her voice started breaking. “Please, don’t leave me.” The crushing pain of disregard from years past was creeping in and she desperately tried to maintain her composure.

The woman's lips parted in clear surprise. “You’re serious.”

“Of course, I’m serious! You think I want to lose you again?!” Her breaths were becoming erratic and shallow. _You can’t convince her if you have a meltdown. Get it together._

Luminara gripped her face. “Don’t panic. I’m not going anywhere for the moment, maybe never. It’s difficult to figure out the best way to deal with my issues. Obi-Wan and I are still discussing options. I promised Ahsoka we’d try working on some things together, as well.” Her expression flared with intensity. “I don’t want to leave you, my amazing girl. Please, believe me.”

_She’s not abandoning you._ Anxiety receding a bit, Barriss regulated the pulsing emotions. “Ok. You’ll let me help too, right?”

Tender thumbs rubbed across her cheeks. “Of course, if it will make you happy.”

“It will. But… will it make you happy?” she asked nervously.

The woman smiled. “Yes, very happy.” Her expression fluctuated. “What would make me even happier is us spending more time together. I mean in an everyday sense. We could go cloak shopping or something.” She winked.

Pleased at the idea, Barriss grinned. “I always knew you secretly loved my cloaks.”

A grin flashed in return, before turning abruptly nervous. “Barriss, we’ve made so much progress and I’m thrilled you’ve let me be part of your life again. At the same time, we’ve settled into a relationship that—it’s good, just not… what it could be. We might have reached as far as you can go. If that’s true, I understand. But, if you can handle more, I want—” she broke off and dropped her grip, fearful apprehension apparent.

_Don’t stop._ Grabbing the hands and placing them back on her face, Barriss said, “Keep going. Say what you’re feeling. Please, it's important to me.”

Hope flickered in and out of existence, before a quavering voice said, “I want what should have been, being your—being a source of unconditional love, support, or anything you need. I don’t deserve it, but I desperately want it. There is so much I missed in your life. I can’t get that back now.” Luminara halted, taking a few quick breaths.

Every childhood fantasy of her perfect life bubbled up in furious excitement. _Is she saying what I think she’s saying?_ Barriss opened her mouth, but couldn’t seem to speak. _Please._

A yearning gaze fixed on her. “Can you let me try to be your m-mo—what you always deserved. Please,” she ended, almost pleading, “let me help take care of you, even if you don't need it anymore.”

Utter joy began swallowing her soul. _This is real. She truly wants to be my… mother._ Barriss swam in pure happiness as an ethereal smile spread from heart to face. “That’s all I _ever_ wanted,” she whispered. “And, you’re wrong. I still need you very much.”

A ragged breath escaped Luminara. Her eye closed, a lone tear crawling out. Happy cerulean blazed back into view and trembling lips brushed across Barriss’ forehead. “I have trouble finding words to describe how much I love you. I wish I could express it better.” She paused, before continuing softly, “Even when I was too scared to acknowledge it, you were everything to me. You have always been my child and you always will be.”

Barriss rushed out, “Good. Because, you’re the only mother I have and there is no way I'm letting you go.”

There was a sharp gasp as Luminara grabbed her up, holding on tightly. A joyful voice murmured, “Gods above, it’s nearly unbelievable. How is it possible for me to have a daughter as special as you?”

Smile coming off her face, Barriss snuggled into the warm embrace. “Just lucky, I guess.”

There was a choked laugh. “Indeed.”

_______

Ahsoka leaned against the door with a content sigh. Barriss was curled up sleeping in Luminara’s arms, a happy smile on her face. _Now, this is how things should be._

Obi-Wan walked up, peering into the bedroom. Then, a pleased grin appeared and he put an arm around her shoulders. “Excellent work, my dear.”

She snorted. “It wasn’t me. I found them like this.”

“No, remember your own assessment. Luminara has always been needed here, but she couldn’t see it. After a conversation with you, I saw her considering it for the first time. That’s something no one has ever accomplished, including me. Without you putting the idea in her head, we wouldn't be looking at this outcome right now.”

Ahsoka’s eyes widened. “Oh. I guess I did want her to realize it. I don’t think I thought about it that way, though.”

He chuckled. “I’m sure you didn’t. You operate on instinct and determination, my darling girl. Somehow, it works. Once again, I am forced to mention how special you truly are.”

“Alright. This time, I’ll let it go.” Laying a head on his shoulder, she felt warmth flow into every inch of her soul. “I’m too happy to argue about it.”

Obi-Wan sighed with contentment. “Now, that is how things should be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only the future left to chart!   
> In the meantime, I leave you with the two passages that inspired this chapter... 
> 
> "Night was falling. Barriss looked up to the sky as she galloped along the plains and saw her favorite star shining brightly. She thought back to that night in the pit all those years ago. It was a memory she always went to, when she felt she couldn’t go on. It never failed. It was alive and triumphant. She conjured up images one by one. The unwavering faith in Barriss. The endearing smile flashed so often. The confidence shining from fierce eyes." --WIAB, Chapter 7
> 
> "What had she done to her child—because that's what Barriss was, what she'd always been—in her delusional madness? Why hadn’t she told the girl she loved her, even once? Barriss had kept her going, given her hope. Luminara hadn’t recognized it then, but she knew it now. Without Barriss, she would have been lost completely." --TF, Chapter 7


	6. Forging the Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our family moves forward.

Barriss excitedly settled on the bed, metal box in hand, and began sorting through items. Now that she was fully recovered, it was time to clear out the past.  _Gods, I’m even happier than usual lately. Why? No Idea. But, I’m so going with it._

Grinning, she picked up the etching of Ahsoka. _Not bad, Offee. You should try another one._

“Well then, someone is looking oddly enthralled with herself today. Here I was, thinking that bringing you a cup of your favorite tea would make me a hero. But, I can see I'm going to have to step it up.”

The grin grew wider. “I was marveling at my somewhat impressive ability to carve lines into rocks. However, I will take my tea.”

Her wife laughed and strolled into the room, steaming cup in hand. Placing it on Barriss' nightstand, she tucked a leg and sat beside her, before plucking the creation from her hand. “It really is beautiful.” Ahsoka ran fingers over it with a soft smile.

She was about to point out the ways it could be improved, when Ahsoka put a hand over her mouth and said, “Nope. I’m sure you have some minor imperfection you don’t like that no one else would see in a million years. Give it up, my dear. This is perfect. It even made a morose Luminara happy. Of course, it pleased me to no end.”

Warmth suffusing her, Barriss replied, “Well, I admit I was thinking it needs an update. Then again, now that I have the real thing I’m not sure it has a hope of coming close.”

“Better not! Though, I do need one of you.”

Quirking a wry eyebrow, Barriss said, “Do you?”

“Absolutely. I want you with me all the time.”

She gazed into the fierce blue. “Gods, I love you.”

Ahsoka grinned. “Can you put that on my rock?”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Barriss answered airily. “It might ruin the effect.”

“Nope. It would make it even more perfect.”

“You are impossible.” She caressed Ahsoka’s lips with tender fingers.

Her wife kissed the tips. “Yep. Don’t you forget it.”

Barriss leaned her head into Ahsoka's. “Oh, that’s _never_ gonna happen.” 

Quick-moving hands ran along her body as their mouths locked together. Ahsoka shifted to her knees, deepening the kiss and gradually working Barriss backward.

As she let herself go slack against the bed, a sting pierced her upper arm. “Ow!” Barriss jolted up, knocking an unprepared Ahsoka to the side.

Lifting herself off the blanket, she spotted the offending item. _The arrowhead. Really, Barriss? How many times have I told you to clear the bed before losing control?_ Twisting the skin around on her sleeveless arm, she tried to assess the damage. _Only a small puncture wound._

There was a disgruntled grumble, “I’m still here, you know.”

Barriss shifted attention to an annoyed Ahsoka, who was stretched sideways with her head propped on a fist. Holding back a laugh, she remarked, “I’m afraid your magnetizing presence has led me to engage in reckless behavior, resulting in serious injury.”

“Serious, huh? Hmm, I suppose we’ll have to postpone our enjoyable activities for _at least_ two weeks to ensure your recovery.”

“You hold your little Jedi reflexes for a minute and I’ll show you enjoyable.” Barriss flashed a grin and jumped up. Crossing the room, she dug out a container of sanitizing agent and spread a drop over the wound.

“Hey, I meant to ask you. What are these things?”

Glancing at the objects in Ahsoka’s hand, Barriss answered vaguely, “Oh, just some random stuff.”

Eyebrows raised. “Now, I am really interested.”

Heat flowed into her cheeks. “They reminded me of you is all.”

“A ragged piece of old fabric and a broken arrowhead? Do I dare ask how these symbolize me? I think I prefer the rock.”

She laughed in some embarrassment. “It’s silly.”

Ahsoka fixed a bemused gaze on her. “You do remember what we say about silly things, right? Come on. Tell me.”

Suddenly feeling mischievous, Barriss threw dramatic hands in the air. “I can’t believe you don’t remember such important items! They only saved your life. I should be personally offended.”

Confusion soon morphed into understanding. “You are joking. These are from the actual arrow and cloak you used in the pit?”

“Of course!” she cried in feigned outrage. “You think I would use substandard imitations for such an important life event?”

Her wife began laughing and couldn’t seem to stop. Gasping for air, she sputtered, “You are amazing.”

Barriss skipped back across the room and completed a small leap, tackling Ahsoka and laying on her chest with a pleased sigh. “I hope you remember all the sentimental nonsense I was capable of the next time I forget our anniversary.”

There was a snort as fingers began running through her hair. “Duly noted, my dear.”

_______

“I brought you something.”

Barriss looked up from her cross-legged position on the bed, spotting a plainly wrapped package in her master’s hand. “Is it a present?” she asked with a grin. “I am only accepting fun-inducing items at the current moment.”

Luminara’s expression turned unexpectedly impish. “Sort of.”

Lifting an intrigued eyebrow, she said, “Well, you have my attention.”

The woman perched herself on the arm of the settee. “Hmm… perhaps I should prolong the anticipation, then? I could hold on to it for a few days and—”

“No way!” Barriss leapt up and hopped across the room. She swiped the package out of Luminara’s hands and settled next to her. “I’m so opening it now.”

There was a snort. “This is your wife’s influence.”

She grinned. “I’m sure she would consider that a compliment.”

“What makes you think it wasn’t? Quite frankly, I am shocked and appalled at such callous disregard for Ahsoka's endearing qualities. Does she know your true feelings?”

Barriss laughed. “Ok, I walked into that one.”

“Not to worry. It will be our little secret, my dear,” she remarked with a gentle pat to Barriss’ head.

Shooting a brief glare at the woman, she returned full attention to her present. Carefully removing the thin paper wrapping revealed a familiar leather-bound book. Barriss gasped and fixed amazed eyes on her master. “Is this—I don’t understand? Ahsoka said it was ruined and she had to throw it away.”

The corners of Luminara’s mouth edged up. “Well, that was half true. The toxin did force her to dispose of most of the contents. Only the cover and a few pages remained intact. I decided to remedy such an unacceptable outcome.”

She ran disbelieving fingers over the expertly-sewn seam in the ripped leather. Flipping it open, her shock escalated. The formerly faded pages were freshly inked in a well-known script. “You did this? Where did you—how?”

“Oh, that was simple enough,” Luminara replied, clearly pleased at the reaction. “I ordered a parchment version from a dealer and copied it out on new leafs. Then, it was only a matter of rebinding everything and repairing the cover. I had hoped to have it completed before you realized it was gone. Ahsoka was my backup plan.” She winked.

 _Wow._ Despite the woman’s nonchalance, Barriss knew better. The amount of time, expense, and energy involved was extensive. It would have been difficult and costly to track down someone with access to a copy of the random novel. The dedicated perseverance in duplicating the entire work to meet Luminara's perfectionist standards also had to be considerable. _I bet she rewrote each page three times._ Barriss gazed at her. “Why?”

A hand reached out to stroke her cheek. “I assumed you enjoyed it, based on the condition. If I’m being honest, though, it was as much for me as for you. This book represents a rare time when I did something right as a mother. I couldn’t bear the thought of you losing it.”

Tears pooled as she managed a simple, “Thank you.”

Luminara kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry I couldn’t restore it to original condition. This is as close as I could accomplish.”

Barriss shifted onto her knees, sliding arms around the woman’s chest. “Don’t be sorry. This is even better.”

There was a content sigh as Luminara returned the embrace. “I’m glad you like it. A one of a kind book for my one of a kind girl.”

She laughed. “Made by my one of a kind master.”

Luminara released her with a wry grin. “Hmm, I'll consider that a compliment.”

“You should. Where do you think I got it from?” Barriss locked intent eyes on her. “I didn’t become one of a kind on accident.”

The woman stared for a moment, expression fluctuating between joy and disbelief. It finally settled into a happy smile and gentle fingers massaged Barriss’ tattoos. “I don’t deserve you, my amazing child. But, I’m definitely never giving you up.”

Blinking a few times, she whispered, “Better not.” Then, Barriss flashed a mischievous grin. “Though, don’t tell Obi-Wan I said any of this. He’ll be upset I gave you ammunition when you two battle over who I love more.”

An eye rolled. “I can't say that is something we have ever had occasion to argue about.”

“Well, that's disappointing! I'm personally offended. Still, I'm sure it’s only a matter of time and I can’t risk endangering my favorite child position,” she cried with feigned horror. “I like to hold it over Ahsoka's head on a regular basis.”

Luminara burst into rare unchecked laughter and choked out, “It will be our little secret, my dear.”

_______

She curled up on Obi-Wan’s chest. A hand began caressing her face and Luminara smiled. “I really can’t believe how happy I am right now.”

“I think,” he replied lightly, “we’ll need to do something about that.” Leaning down, he ran lips over hers. “Do you believe it yet?”

“Mmm… getting there, I suppose. Is that the best you can do?”

There was a snort as he slid her up his body to eye level. “Oh, I can do much, much better than that. I refuse to accept defeat, so prepare yourself to be convinced, my dear.”

Luminara chuckled. “You never accept defeat. Why do you think I’m so happy?”

A boyish grin appeared. “I thought it was my roguish charm.”

She returned the grin and then cupped his cheek. “There are many reasons you are the most amazing man on the planet. That’s why I couldn’t have gotten through the last few months, or the last few years for that matter, without you.”

Eyebrows furrowed. “I didn’t do much. You figured out most of it by yourself.”

“No, my love, you’re not allowed to argue about this one. I quite literally would be lost without you.” She tried to come up with words to express her feelings properly. “You’ve been patient, supportive, sacrificing, and beyond—even when you were hurting yourself. It gave me confidence to move forward at every turn. I don’t know what would have happened, if you weren’t… you.”

Kissing her gently, he replied, “I do. You’d still be the strongest woman I know. However, I’ll gladly accept some credit _if_ it means I’m allowed to continue making you happy for eternity.”

Trailing fingers over his jaw, Luminara said, “Oh, that is definitely non-negotiable.”

Obi-Wan grinned and then asked carefully, “Speaking of the future… did you decide?”

A teasing smile formed on her lips. “That is quite a question. Are we talking about whether I've chosen to let you shower long-term happiness upon me? The answer is absolutely. Or, do you mean how much longer I plan to delay the immediate future of kissing you unrelentingly? Two minutes, if I work hard at it. Or, would you like a general pronouncement on how happy we plan to be? I’d have to say extremely, utterly, and completely.”

He groaned, but pleasure shined from the deep blue eyes. “My dear, I love you, but you are killing me right now.”

Smile widening, she remarked, “Now, we can’t have that. I need you to stick around if we plan to be happy for all time.”

Releasing an exaggerated sigh, he cried, “I give up. Happiness it is!”

Laughing, she finally answered the question, “Oh, and did I mention that we are not going anywhere else to be happy?”

Obi-Wan blinked. “Are you sure? Don’t stay here for me. If you’re not alright, I’m not alright.”

“I’m positive. I keep saying this, but it’s the only thing I’m certain of in life… I can handle anything as long as I have you. You’re my rock. Where makes no difference, except that here we also have family who need us.”

A bright smile spread across his face. “Force above, I love you.”

“You are making my point.” She raised a mischievous eyebrow. “So, you mentioned something about persuading me I was happy, didn’t you? Do you need some inspiration?” She pressed a mouth into his, kissing him deeply.

After a few intense moments, Obi-Wan broke away and rasped, “I have to say, getting inspiration is definitely not my problem right now.”

Still dragging lips along his face, she murmured, “Mmm… what is?”

Strong arms pulled her more tightly against a waiting body. “Let me show you.”

Luminara gasped as a forceful mouth grabbed her neck and began massaging downward. “Now, that is definitely a problem I can handle.”

_______

“Do you have time for a walk?”

Luminara glanced up to see a hopeful Ahsoka in the doorway. She tossed a parchment to the side and uncurled from her chair. “With you? Absolutely.”

An engaging grin flashed. “Excellent.”

Pulling open the wardrobe, she paused. _No, this one._ Smiling softly, Luminara reached for the royal blue cloak and shrugged it on. Turning back to Ahsoka, she said, “Ready.”

Pleased, bright eyes gazed at her. “Now, that’s what I call a cloak.”

She snorted. “Says the girl who gave it to me. Though, I _suppose_ it is climbing my list of favorites.”

Ahsoka slapped a mock injured hand to her heart. “Only climbing?! I expect at least top two billing.”

Holding back a smile, Luminara moved next to Ahsoka. “Hmm, I’d say it’s fighting for top position. I’m torn between this and the brown one over there.”

Her nose scrunched up. “What does it have that mine doesn’t?”

“Well… the pockets are bigger,” she answered with grave seriousness. “Plus, when you wear the same color for years, change is difficult.”

The girl frowned. “Bigger pockets, huh? I’ll see what I can do. Though, that boring color is so not happening.”

Luminara gripped her arm. “I’m only teasing, Ahsoka. Old habits are exactly what I’m trying to break these days,” she ended quietly.

She put a hand on Luminara’s and squeezed it. “That is my speciality. Let’s see… I know you’ve always secretly dreamed about having a magenta cloak. No, wait—an entire collection of every shade of pink. I can picture them now, freshly pressed and lined up by order of brightness in your wardrobe. All of them with very big pockets. Yes! It’s going to be amazing.”

“Don’t even think about it!” she exclaimed, not completely certain the girl was joking. If Ahsoka bought it, Luminara would feel obligated to wear it.

An innocent voice replied, “If I haven’t hit favorite status yet, what other choice do I have? There is no way I’m accepting defeat.”

Luminara sent an eye skyward. “Oh, I am regretting ever starting this. I should have told you the truth from the beginning.” Pulling Ahsoka’s head down, she kissed her temple. “This one has always been my favorite, special girl, because you gave it to me.”

Fierce blue eyes misted as a brilliant smile shined back at her. “In that case, I’ll concentrate my efforts elsewhere.” The smile turned impish. “Maybe… a new head scarf?”

“Alright, that’s it.” She dragged the girl out of the room. “Let’s get to our walk, my dear, before I end up with an entirely new wardrobe.”

An endearing grin appeared. “Yes, ma’am.”

Luminara smiled happily as they strolled down the hallway. _How did I ever consider giving any of this up? That’s never going to happen._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... and they lived happily ever after!
> 
> [Mostly.]


End file.
